Over the last few weeks we’ve talked about staying positive as a way of not only improving your relationship, but your overall life as well. There are many benefits to remaining positive, even when times get unbearably tough. If you haven’t already, it’d be a good idea to read a few of our last posts.
But there are times when it doesn’t matter how positive you stay, you’re going to get down. A lot of the times this can happen because someone close to you has harmed or hurt you. We don’t mean physically harm you here, that’s another topic altogether. But if you feel like you’ve been wronged by someone, it can be difficult to get back to that positive state of mind.
That’s where the importance of forgiveness comes in.
But before we go further with this, we need to re-frame what forgiveness actually is and what it’s for.
Forgiveness is letting go of the external things that have harmed you – and it can be very powerful.
But what forgiveness is NOT, is letting the other person “off the hook.”
In fact, forgiveness is not about the other person at all. It’s about you.
You see, if the “wronging” you’ve experienced has affected you badly enough, it can ruin not only relationships, but your own outlook on life and more.
So choosing forgiveness over dwelling on the issue is for your own well-being, not the well-being of the person who wronged you.
Yes, it can be difficult to forgive, but if you re-frame the whole concept in your mind as being FOR YOU, and not the other person, it can become much easier. Dwelling on the past and letting things bother you for an extended period of time can lead to you being in the negative perspective – and we’ve written about what that can do to your relationships and life.
Dr. Carol Morgan wrote about forgiveness on LovePanky.com.
She recommends 15 things that can help you forgive when forgiveness is the last thing on your mind.
- Think of them as a child
- Think of the Grand Scheme of things
- Talk to them
- Take responsibility for your part
- Be kind
- Think good thoughts
- Don’t take it personally
- Don’t be offended
- Don’t live in the past
- Try not to judge
- Remember why you like/love the person in the first place
- Ask what you can learn from this
- Accept that things can’t be un-done
- Forgive them for yourself
Those are great tips, but some definitely require a little more explanation. That’s why you should read Dr. Morgan’s full post to get some more insight.
And if you have your own tips on how to make things easier to forgive, leave them in the comments below!