Hurt feelings don’t always mean your partner did something wrong.
By LaVerna Wilk , MA, RCC, Certified Gottman Therapist and Trauma Specialist
Something that can derail us in conversations with our partner is feeling hurt by an incident in the relationship. I was recently visiting with a friend and she shared a story about a blowout fight she had with her husband. Being a therapist, I’ve grown used to this over the years.
The wife was sharing a story about how she had hurt her neck and because her range of motion was very limited, for her to turn her head caused pain and spasms in her spine. They had been driving on the freeway and as he was trying to make a last-minute lane change he asked her to check the lanes beside her because it was easier than for him to try to see for himself.
She said she felt hurt and disregarded because his lack of planning ahead required him to increase her discomfort. “If the roles were reversed I would have been in the right lane way ahead of time so that I didn’t cause him pain. I was so mad at him”.
